Somewhere between a panda and a kitty...

Sadface!

2009-08-17T18:06:52Z

So I gained a whole bunch of weight back since I broke up with Greg...and now I'm having a bloody hard time losing it again!

It's probably this tub of gummy tarantulas' fault.

Oh yes! I did!

2009-07-10T01:52:02Z

That's right, I'm claiming to have purchased the best grapes, EVER. Nothing beats these grapes. They're absolutely perfect. I shall eat them when I'm finished my pizza.

Also, I'm beta testing an MMO called Gatheryn. I was attracted by it's claim to be a steampunk (!!!) MMO for casual gamers. Though I'm not a casual gamer, I suffer from GADD (Gaming Attention Deficit Disorder). It's a crippling disorder which causes the sufferer to have no attention span for games and therefore leaving many games half-played, nay, abandoned.

Pizza time! (btw, this pizza is perfect too)

Amanda out!

I wish I had some chocolate milk...

2009-07-09T07:09:38Z

Okay, okay, I've decided it's time to make a ceremonious post after close to a one year hiatus. Honestly, a lot of stuff happened but I didn't really feel like talking about it - and I don't mean that it's a sensitive subject. I realized that in the grand scheme of bloggers, I'm terribly terribly uninteresting - nothing witty to say, no interesting stories to share, so on and so forth. The only time I felt inspired, if you could even call it that, was when I was upset with someone and wanted to passive aggressively let them know what I was feeling. Occasionally, I would "turn my life around" and make that determined first step to let my entire reader base (which is one person *cough Brenna cough*) know that I was doing so and then promptly give up a week later and pretend it never happened (yeah, I gotta stop writing about it and destroy all evidence that I ever tried - then it's like I never failed at all!)

Yeah, it was like ego stroke to think that anyone really wanted to read that garbage.

So I moved my usual ramblings into a actual paper journal. It was, or is, a lot more private, messy, honest, and tangible. I stopped writing what I thought people would like to read and just wrote what was on my mind - kind of like what I'm doing now. I'll still keep my paper journal - until it's precious contents become compromised and I'm forced to eat each page, one at a time, until I develop a weird paper-ball in my stomach and become a case on an episode of House - I imagine they'll try to figure out why my tumor has bad haikus written all over it.

I'm all blogged out for the night. I think tomorrow I'll write a stunning article on soup or my apartment.

Marlowe!

2008-06-28T06:18:34Z

Here's my puppy. These are the cutest pictures so far! I've sent to nearly everyone all ready but you can look at him again!

Marlowe's first day with us and his first trip to Petsmart for some extra supplies!

Marlowe's first trip the vet. Poor little guy has a parasite - luckily for us, it's easily treatable! He was so sleepy after the vet did horrible things to his behind.

Updates!

2008-06-24T02:38:33Z

Time for an update post!

So I've applied for a new job at CCI-LEX teaching ESL. They haven't gotten back to me and probably won't get back to me for quite a while, but I really think it's time for me to move on from Telus. The biggest problem is scheduling - it's near impossible to get the days off that I need without getting guff about it - I would like to be able to schedule things like hockey and whatever other curricular activity I want to do. I do need a job that pays well too.

Does anyone have any ideas if CCI-LEX doesn't work out?

Also, on Thursday, we're going to pick up our new puppy. His name is going to be Marlowe - he's a well-read and classy little fellow I've decided - or maybe he just eats and poops. I'm really nervous about all the costs and responsibility that goes with a puppy but I've done all my research and I'm so ready for this!

I've been alot happier and have been taking better care of myself and keeping my house clean. My house is kind of a bitch to take care of by myself - especially since I'm trying to rid all the cat hair from my place so as not to kill Greg - but it feels like an impossible task @.@ Also, I have no fan/vent in my bathroom and there's mold on the ceiling - I know that's gross but I can't freaking get it off. A: Too short B: The ceiling is textured so I'm having a hard time scrubbing them off. Does anyone have any tips (other than get a chair to stand on - I know that all ready)?

I've been really enjoying hockey and want to get into more sports. I'm thinking it'll be easier to get into more stuff when I'm done here at Telus. I want to do pilates again, try belly dancing, play more hockey and/or ringette, and maybe get into badminton if Josh will be my partner.

I made a friend at Telus today - he said "Ah sou" on the phone and I was like "Wait a second, that's Japanese" and we befriended over our mutual Japanglishisms and apparently he's a photographer who spent some time in Japan - that is wicked awesome. Too bad he's in Montreal.

I think that's all I have to update for now.

Dear Puppy

2008-06-12T03:26:41Z

Please come be mine sooner. Greg just sleeps all the time - so I really wish I had some company right about now.

Amanda

PS: I want to dress you in a top hat.

And everything is better again!

2008-06-05T18:28:25Z

So I took a change and decided to actually talk about my problems to the only person who I should really be talking about my problems with, and my anxiety was put to rest.

So indeed we'll be adopting our four-legged surrogate child.

Anyone have some ideas for dog's names? Apparently it's not allowed to be too complicated so I was thinking Toby after Sherlock Holmes' dog (well, not really his dog, but the dog he borrows). Of course, meeting the puppy before naming it is important but I'm just looking for ideas.

It's really hard to admit all of this...

2008-06-03T04:28:52Z

There was a really big emo-ridden post, but you know, after I wrote it, I felt alot better that I erased it. Anyone who needs to know the unhappiness I put up with last week, all ready know about it.

Anyways!

I'm moving on, well, not really, but I've started to plan a more independent future for myself but not necessarily independent because I don't mind if someone joins me but I'm seriously not going to stop for anyone anymore.

I'm going to Japan and I'm doing the JET programme (if they take me of course).

One more sleep!

2008-05-11T01:14:28Z

One more sleep until I get to see Greg again. I feel like it's been forever but I realize the whole thing was rather painless.

I had my first hockey game last night - I really enjoyed it though I really don't know how to play hockey. If anyone wants to come watch Coleen, Glen and I play some hockey - give me a shout.

It's only been one day but...

2008-04-28T23:39:50Z

I miss Greg so much. I hope he's having fun.

In other news - my sunflower might not actually be dead.

Something I like...

2008-04-02T07:24:43Z

Animals who think they are people.

Specifically animals in little top hats among other victorian accoutrements.

Ice Cream Slurpees

2008-04-02T00:40:21Z

I forgot about ice cream slurpees from that place in St. Albert in Mission Hill Plaza. I haven't had one since I moved from St. Albert.

I really want one right now.

Also...

2008-03-31T03:50:52Z

Panic! At the Disco has a new album called "Pretty. Odd."

At first I wasn't fond of it because it sounds quite a bit different from their first album and to me it didn't sound like Panic!. I realized though that when I started to listen to it I was quite stressed and cranky but now I feel so much better! The odd happy tones of the album made me happy. It was weird.

Anyways, I really need to stop procrastinating, I have a presentation on Tuesday and a paper outline on Wednesday and I have a KAJILLION readings to do by next Wednesday.

Peace!

Current distraction from schoolwork...

2008-03-30T21:21:56Z

Jem and the Holograms!

I've started to watch the first few episodes of Jem and the Holograms and I have to say this trip down memory lane is a pleasant one. You know when you're worried to look back on something, like a favourite TV show or favourite book, because you're afraid it won't be as good as you remember it to be? Well, I picked up Jem and Holograms again since Freezepop's rendition of the theme song was stuck in my head. Now I wish I could be as cool as Jem all over again.

panditty @ 2008-03-17T13:36:00

2008-03-17T19:43:56Z

So I want to wait until I am twenty-six or twenty-seven before I get married - reason being that I don't want to rush into anything on top of my desire to be finished school and be settled into a job.

The other day I happened upon a cute wedding dress and now I don't want to wait that long because I'm afraid I won't be attractive enough for a dress like that anymore.

Not really a good reason to want to get married.

The dress!

Have you ever....

2008-01-29T01:44:17Z

Have you ever had a problem where the problem is better than the resolution?

If it wasn't already obvious...

2007-12-27T05:29:53Z

So based on recent journal postings (some people can and cannot see), I've been a little down. I feel much better now - not because of Christmas mind you, but just better in general. Here is one of the rare time I will make a list of things I feel good about:

1. Biggest one, I've lost about twenty pounds (Christmas made me gain about four pounds, but whatever, dieting over Christmas is a form of self-abuse). I have received many welcome compliments about how great I look. Its true I look great - I plan on losing more weight and I've set some goals for myself and set out my plan on how I'll tackle it. Mostly with working out and just general healthier eating.

2. I'm working out my jealousy problem. I've realized that my jealousy is just insecurity and it is just pushing Greg away rather than tempting him. Why wouldn't it? He's done nothing wrong and I'm just hung up on girls that he used to be with thinking that they were better than me. I have to remember that he USED to be with them. Something obviously didn't work out and therefore why should I worry - one of them was unhappy with the other and LEFT and probably don't even talk to each other anymore. Of course, this won't just go away over night and I still get a tight twisty feeling in my heart for a little bit because, honestly, the thought of having to share Greg's affection with anyone else bothers me - but it's all something I've come up with in my head, it's not real - I just need to be more confident in my ability to attract men (and keep them :) )

3. I'm taking better care of my appearance. I've started to invest in make ups, good smelling products, sexier underwear (really, you feel better in sexy underwear!), trying to actually style my hair and dress up more (hard, my wardrobe looks like it was designed by a five year old - but when I lose more weight I will buy better clothes, no point really now). It's a lengthy process overall but well worth it in the end. Honestly, if thing didn't happen to work out with Greg, at least I'll be ready for the next guy but I think I can fix my latter problem (number two) - things will be just fine for a good long while!

4. I have ambitious plans to be more active. I've actually already started by going to the gym and playing ringette. Honestly, the gym is kind of boring for me right now, so I'm going to take up things like ballroom dancing (with Greg!), kickboxing, and possibly belly dancing (recommended to me by a cousin). This sort of ties into my first change, but I wanted to make it seperate because I'm very excited for it! I want to feel good about myself. I'm hoping kickboxing will help with my strength, endurance and flexibility. Dancing will be good cardio and good for my general coordination. Oh, hopefully these will improve my chances of being able to go rock climbing with Greg - but I'm a big chicken with short limbs - I doubt it, but I can try.

5. Greg makes me happy about myself - he's actually nearer to the top, but they're in no particular order. Even though he gets frustrated at me sometimes, I usually deserve it because I've been kind of irritating lately - and yet he's still around, so I kind of feel like maybe I'm worth sticking around for, even if I am less than pleasant. That feels really nice. He also makes me feel pretty and wanted and all sorts of other things, and sometimes I'm selfish and forget @.@

6. I'm going to try and be more honest. I wouldn't say that I lie as much as I don't always tell the truth . I like to be secretive about some things even when they're obvious and I have to understand that my trying to keep them secret is a lost cause and I should give up. Also, it makes people unhappy therefore it's really just not good.

I can't really think of what else right now! I think I will read my book and socialize with my family - but just in case I forget, I have all these things written down.

できた！

2007-12-21T10:42:36Z

Part one of Greg's christmas present is complete!

Didn't turn out as nice as I was hoping it would @.@ I think part two will make up for it, but I was really hoping to display a certain amount of competence with it. Oh well, I hope he'll think it's cute anyways and want to give me kisses!

I'm feeling ALOT better.

2007-12-01T18:28:54Z

Yeah, I feel alot happier again. My mood just comes and goes at its own whim and fancy though, so we'll see how long this lasts.

This weekend is busy, I have to write two essays - one for premodern Chinese literature and the other for Japanese. Sadly, I'm a very slow writer and have only about half finished the first of those. The latter, I need to write and then mostly memorize and then rewrite in class. I don't really see the point of having an essay like that as it's not really teaching me anything but the issues I have with Japan 401 are numerous and this is small fish compared to the other stupid stuff they make us do.

Other than that, I am pleased because really after I'm done those two essay all I have is an essay due on the 17th (but it's a 12 page research paper and I don't know what to write about yet) and a final on the 18th for Canadian Art History. So anyways, I figure I have alot of time to do research and what not but I'm sure I'll leave it to the last moment and just cry alot (usually the case with essays)

I need help :(

2007-11-27T01:24:21Z

It's been a rough couple of monthes for me @.@ I switched to a new a birth control pill (Yasmin, though this also happened when I was on Alesse) and ever since I've had horrible depression and I feel like I'm in a constant state of PMS and it's pretty much ruining my life. Also, my self esteem has really never been lower and its starting to reflect really badly in my relationship as I pretty much cry every day and mostly feel sorry for myself. Reoccuring things that make me cry are - my being overweight and being pretty much incompetent - neither of these things bothered me as much before (they were always kind of there in the back of my mind though). The other thing that makes me cry is that I think all this crying and misery will actually ruin my relationship.

This really isn't me - there's absolutely nothing going on in my life worth crying over - in fact, I should probably be happier than I've ever been because everything is going well for me.

Probably time for a change but really, I'm just sick with fucking around with my hormones. I wish that for once they would screw around with men's inner workings instead.

Day is not off to a good start!

2007-11-04T14:37:43Z

So this morning I rolled out of bed, shunning warm comfy snuggles, to make my way unwillingly to work. I get outside and my car is covered in snow and ice. So I give in to the idea that I'll probably be a little late for work since I usually leave at the last minute. So I make it to work, late by what I think is five minutes late but it's actually a hour early - and then it hits - day light savings started today.

In my bitter frustration, I ate a breakfast sandwich from Tim Hortons - which was VERY enjoyable until I found out what the nutritional information is. Apparently, if anyone cares, nothing is good for you at Tim Hortons except for maybe some of the soups.

Oh yeah, and DT1 and ASD are down at work, so I have to log into the hardphone (I know none of you care, but this makes my day exceedingly more difficult ESPECIALLY since I don't really know how to use the hard phone).

Tonight I've been promised snuggles and Arrested Development watching marathon. Should be good if I can get rid of the nagging feeling that I should be thinking about homework/chinese lit essay.

I guess I can't have it all shrugs

2007-10-22T03:43:38Z

I feel so sick lately @.@ I haven't studied at all this weekend because of this horrible nausea so I fear I'm going to fail my Art H 212 midterm tomorrow.

Other than that though, I'm a happy girl.

SO HAPPY!

2007-10-16T04:16:45Z

The title says it all! I'm just one happy girl.

BUT, I'm also one mood-swingy girl @.@ Let's see how I feel tomorrow - but I still think I'll be happy if I keep thinking about the last 24 hours <3

-_-;;

2007-10-11T00:09:58Z

I hate running *sad face* I always feel like I need to throw up at the end, I don't think it should be like that. I just don't think I have a body made for running. If you look at any other runner, they're usually slender with long legs, and I'm exactly not that. I don't know, when I look at myself, I don't really think I'm designed to be skinny or athletic. Obviously I had lost alot of weight back in high school, but honestly, to stay there I had to work so ridiculously hard that I was so miserable - to the point where I would feel guilty for eating.

Bleh - This feeling will pass. I just don't feel very cute right now.

Also, I miss ice cream @.@

I wish I didn't have to feel like this.

I'm much more productive when I have something better to be doing...

2007-10-02T05:13:26Z

So instead of studying I have gone shopping for healthy type foods to line my house and distract from the larger enemy => my love for ice cream, chocolate and ice cream with chocolate.

After that I tackled the ongoing issue of my hair being unruly. Today I laid down the law and straightened my hair with freely given techniques from a hair salon. It seems to have worked! Huzzah!

I ran for 8 minutes straight today (that's good, I usually run for 3 at most) and promptly went out for celebratory sushi with Greg after finishing my run. Two things that make my day happy are Greg and sushi and I frequently have either or (sometimes together O.o!).